Self-Soothing: A DBT Skill for Stress Relief and Emotional Regulation

Sep 19

Self-soothing is the practice of using gentle sensory experiences to help the nervous system settle during moments of stress, sadness, overwhelm, anger, or emotional exhaustion. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), self-soothing is often taught as a distress tolerance skill because it gives the body and mind something calming to return to when the situation cannot be fixed right away. Self-soothing does not mean avoiding reality, pretending everything is fine, or ignoring important problems. It means offering the body enough comfort and steadiness that the next choice can come from a more regulated place.

Self-soothing often works best when it uses the five senses. A person might wrap up in a soft blanket, sip something warm, listen to calming music, use a comforting scent, look at a peaceful image, take a shower, hold a grounding object, or place a hand over the heart. Peer-reviewed research on DBT skills training suggests that learning and using coping skills can support emotion regulation and reduce distress. Additionally, sensory modulation and soothing touch practices have been shown to help reduce stress responses and support calming in the body.

A helpful way to practice self-soothing is to ask, “What would feel safe, kind, and calming to one of my senses right now?” Choose one small action and try it for one to five minutes. Notice what changes (even slightly). Self-soothing is not about forcing comfort; it is about creating a small pocket of care when the moment feels hard.

Important Reminder

Self-soothing is most useful when it supports safety, regulation, and wise next steps. It should not be used to minimize serious needs, avoid necessary boundaries, or delay crisis support when immediate help is needed.

References

Dreisörner, A., Junker, N. M., Schlotz, W., Heimrich, J., Bloemeke, S., Ditzen, B., & van Dick, R. (2021). Self-soothing touch and being hugged reduce cortisol responses to stress: A randomized controlled trial on stress, physical touch, and social identity. Comprehensive Psychoneuroendocrinology, 8. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpnec.2021.100091 ⁠

Kandlur, N. R., Fernandes, A. C., Gerard, S. R., Rajiv, S., & Quadros, S. (2023). Sensory modulation interventions for adults with mental illness: A scoping review. Hong Kong Journal of Occupational Therapy, 36(2), 57-68. https://doi.org/10.1177/15691861231204896 ⁠

Neacsiu, A. D., Eberle, J. W., Kramer, R., Wiesmann, T., & Linehan, M. M. (2014). Dialectical behavior therapy skills for transdiagnostic emotion dysregulation: A pilot randomized controlled trial. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 59, 40-51. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2014.05.005 ⁠

Neacsiu, A. D., Rizvi, S. L., & Linehan, M. M. (2010). Dialectical behavior therapy skills use as a mediator and outcome of treatment for borderline personality disorder. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 48(9), 832-839. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2010.05.017 ⁠

Valentine, S. E., Bankoff, S. M., Poulin, R. M., Reidler, E. B., & Pantalone, D. W. (2015). The use of dialectical behavior therapy skills training as stand-alone treatment: A systematic review of the treatment outcome literature. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 71(1), 1-20. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.22114

Z. Hamilton Avery

Z. Hamilton Avery, LCSW, BC-TMH, CMT, CYT-1,000, TIYT (he/they) is a queer and non-binary therapist, health educator, wellness coach, body and energy worker, yoga and meditation teacher, and abstract artist in Tulsa, Oklahoma. In addition to having obtained over a dozen certifications in various modalities of complementary and alternative medicine (CAM), Z holds an associate’s degree in pre-nursing studies, a bachelor’s degree in psychology, and a master’s degree in social work. When supporting clients and students, Z takes a humanistic, person-centered, strengths-based, trauma-informed approach. Their practice is grounded in compassion, harm reduction, inclusivity, social justice, and evidence-based interventions. Ultimately, Z’s mission is to provide a safe and non-judgmental space for adolescents (13+) and adults who are navigating challenges such as anxiety, depression, trauma, addiction, pain, and chronic illness; he does this by offering sessions, classes, groups, workshops, retreats, and trainings.

Understanding that mental health is interconnected with many other facets of life, Z takes a holistic approach to therapy. Knowing that there is no one-size-fits-all treatment, he strives to honor the uniqueness of each client by custom-tailoring his approach to best meet the needs, preferences, and goals of each individual. For this reason, Z believes that it is imperative to be cross-trained in many different treatment approaches. As a therapist, they utilize a variety of evidence-based practices, including motivational interviewing (MI), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and written exposure therapy (WET). As a body and energy worker, Z is certified to practice massage therapy, Thai yoga massage, myofascial release, craniosacral therapy, and reiki. They are also certified in both Chinese and Japanese styles of acupuncture. After completing more than 1,000 hours of accredited yoga teacher training (primarily in India), Z is certified to teach various styles of yoga, including Hatha, Kundalini, yin, and restorative. He also researches and writes about topics including stress, trauma, self-care, mindfulness, self-compassion, holistic health and well-being, CAM, HIV/AIDS, and issues related to the Two-Spirit, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, agender, plus (2SLGBTQIA+) community.

https://www.therapywithz.com

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